Coronavirus and isolation

Since the news of the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been mass hysteria about the illness and stocking up on things like toilet paper and hand sanitiser.

Which is annoying and amazing at the same time. Just imagine if we had the same Va-Va-Voom about other topics in the world.

Being isolated and taking the necessary precautions in order to #flattenthecurve is great, but not for those that stuck inside the house with an abuser.

Being locked up inside four walls with someone that breaks you down and takes away your sparkle is the worst thing you can ever wish on someone, yet there are people who live like that every day.

To them there is no escape, they possible feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

You are not alone and it doesnt matter if you poor or rich, a man or a woman. No one deserves to be treated like they dont matter an are worthless. You are worthy, you are beautiful and you are stronger than you think!”

There are shelters, police, trauma counsellors and social workers that can help. There are even groups on Facebook that you can join.

Do not suffer in silence and isolation, raise your voice and speak out.

Here are a few places you can contact:

South African Police Service

In a case of domestic violence or sexual assault, the South African Police Service will help you find:

  • medical attention;
  • shelter;
  • victim counselling.

SAPS emergency number: 10111

People Opposed to Woman Abuse (Powa)

Powa provides counselling, both over the phone and in person, temporary shelter for and legal help to women who have experienced violence.

Childline South Africa

This non-profit organisation helps abused children and their families with a free counselling service. It deals with issues such as physical and sexual abuse, substance abuse, behavioural problems and trafficking, and gives legal advice.

Child Welfare South Africa

Child Welfare South Africa focuses on child protection, child care and family development. Neglect and child abuse can also be reported.

Families South Africa (Famsa)

Famsa provides counselling and education to help improve marriages and families. It helps in cases of domestic violence and trauma, divorces and mediation. There are 27 offices across the country.

TEARS Foundation

TEARS Foundation provides access to crisis intervention, advocacy, counselling, and prevention education services for those impacted of domestic violence, sexual assault and child sexual abuse.

The Trauma Centre

The Trauma Centre provides trauma counselling and violence prevention services for people affected by violence.

Thuthuzela Care Centres

Thuthuzela Care Centres (TCCs) are one-stop facilities that have been introduced as a critical part of South Africa’s anti-rape strategy, aiming to reduce secondary victimisation and to build a case ready for successful prosecution. The website also provides access to information on gender-based violence.

Helplines

SAPS Emergency
10111

Gender-Based Violence Command Centre
0800 428 428

STOP Gender Violence Helpline
0800 150 150 or *120*7867#

Halt Elder Abuse Line (HEAL) – helpline for elderly people
Helpline: 0800 003 081
Email: action@actiononelderabusesa.co.za

You are not alone, take that first step!

Gaslighting

Are you in a relationship that makes you question yourself? Do you feel like you are losing your mind?

Does your partner/family member make you look irrational or unstable infront of other people?

Does he or she minimise your feelings e.g “I was just joking!”, “Why are you so sensitive?”

Does your partner/family member refuse to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, making you doubt yourself?

If you have answered yes to even one of these questions, you are dealing with gaslighting.

Definition of gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes such as low self-esteem. (Wikipedia)

Gaslighters may have learnt this behavior from their parents/family member/friend or past relationships and now project it on their partner or children. This becomes a vicious cycle and the victim will eventually feel like they have lost themself. It can take a very long time with the appropriate therapy and counseling for the victim to feel human again and regain their self confidence.

I admit while writing this post, I recognise something I have done or said and I did not even realise it was gaslighting. Hopefully you can learn from this post too.

Break the cycle

Narcissistic love

Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? Experienced a narcissistic parent, family member or friend. Would you know what to look for and would you know if you are one?

1. Narcissists lack empathy.

2. Do not have any or many long term friends.

3. A narcissist will pick on you constantly.

4. They dance around defining the relationship.

5. They think they are right about everything and never apologise.

6. Panic usually sets in when you try to break up with them and they will often lash out at you.

7. They gaslight you – more about this in my next post.

A narcissist can be a man or a woman.

They will cut away your confidence until there is nothing left. Take you away from your family and friends. They will make you believe that no one will love you and care for you. The narcissistic love will become a norm to you leaving an empty shell of pain and depression. The person you once were will no longer exist. Finally you will be caged and controlled until the day you decide enough is enough.

If you are going through that relationship ask them this…

“What gives you the need to treat me like that?”